whatever

i'm not sure what is going on anymore...on this planet...i'm sure of who i really am, but not sure why i chose to attempt at being a human again...i don't think i've been really good at the whole human thing...some of the confusion stemmed from all the lies i was told...well, not just me, all humans...all the lies that have ever been told...by the time i figured everything out, or at least had a better idea of what is going on here...well......it just feels like it is too late to make any good use of it. 

 people say things like, or its never too late...look at this person or that person...it wasn't too late for them...and, i think...and then i remember its really not good to think too much...so i listen...and when i tell my ego to just be still, to leave me alone, i feel who i really am...and, when i am immersed in the sensation of just being, it doesn't matter what i do or if i do...none of it...because, in the end...its all been an illusion...some sort of crazy dream...


my problems stemmed from allowing other people to drag me into their dreams...instead of staying true to my own dreams~i know i'm not suppose to carry around regrets, mostly because i have a "bad" back, but i do have regrets...many of them...and, if i have regrets, well, then i am holding on to the past...and i am not suppose to hold on to the past...i'm suppose to say...skip to my lou...skip to my lay...the past is gone & i don't even remember what happened anyway...

whatever...

my sister says,  you should be a photographer...she's so silly...today, everyone is a photographer...my sister says...you should write...i probably should...i do know a considerable amount of real life stories...i just want a bolt of lightening to come down and hit me for motivation.